The Difference between Proud and Pride

Today Corey said he was proud of me. He always says sweet things, but I usually have a hard time accepting them and shake them off as him teasing me or his way of making me laugh. It was different today. It made me feel very special, something that I don't always allow myself to feel or let people make me feel. It was very unexpected considering the conversation we were having had nothing to do with that context. When things are said out of the ordinary or words are spoken out of context, you hear it and feel it more than something part of a casual conversation.



So my question is why can't any other compliment feel just same? Is it my pride? It makes me uncomfortable to receive a compliment. "I don't deserve them, so stop giving" - is what I'm always thinking. For as long as I can remember, I've never been one to accept and embrace a compliment, no matter what was said or what it was about.



There is only one person I really strive to hear a compliment from and if my memory fails me, then I failed that person, but as I pick my brain, I can't come up with anything. Is it this individual's pride stopping them from saying a single nice word or am I striving for the unobtainable. I know I need to look within myself and I don't need anyone's ego boosting phrases to make me who I am, but when you're all you've had, you get bored of yourself.

...And I'm Bored...